Sunday reflections time!
This week’s reflection is based off another devotion I did from Proverbs31.org called “Give It a Rest.” <— click that to read the whole devotional.
Basically, the author talked about how she was always busy, and when she wasn’t busy she felt restless and not at ease.
Which is totally me. Every morning I wake up at 4:30-5am and I plan out what I am going to do at EVERY hour until I go to bed at 10. And usually there is only 1 hour at night of free time for TV or book reading…anything that I could consider “me time.”
And you know what? During that one hour TV show, I’m checking the email on my phone, scrolling through Instagram to respond to comments…the list goes on.
Really, I’m just busy. Even when I’m “not.”
The devo goes on to say the author hated the pace, but needed it.
Which is also me. When I’m not doing something, I feel like I’m falling behind because surely there is SOMETHING that NEEDS to be done, and I should be doing it right then!
Rest and spend time for myself? That’s a terrible thing to do. Well, that’s what I tell myself.
BUT, what really struck me was the realization that the author of the devotional came to: “My turning point came when I realized that my busyness was not the result of a scheduling problem but rather, a sin problem. Somewhere along the way, I had based my worth and identity in performing, achieving, doing and serving. Ironically, true identity is found by resting in God and being conformed to His image, not running ourselves ragged in an attempt to find it on our own.”
Umm. Whoa.
I have to say I have never thought that chronic busyness was a deep down sin problem. I thought it was just because I am crap at learning balance in my life, and that one day I would learn how, and then everything would be better.
But that paragraph in my devotional made me take a step back and look at my habits. What pushes me to be busy? Do I constantly check how many people visited the blog that day? YES. Do I constantly look at other blogs, and their photography, and wish that I was as good as them, and feel like I need to practice more and more and more so that I can be as amazing as them? OH YEA. Do I not want to rest because I have this weird anxiety that my husband will think I’m – dare I say it – lazy, and then he won’t think I’m a good wife? Honestly, yes.
Which is totally messed up, because he likes when we have time to spend together!
Taking a step back and looking at these things that I do daily points to one major thing: I have that desire to perform and achieve. I’ve based my identity in numbers, and comparison and “perfection.” My identity is most DEFINITELY not from resting in God.
It doesn’t just boil down to being crap at balance.
I feel like this offshoot of busyness with trying to be “the best blogger ever” also stemmed from the perfectionism that causes my eating disorder, and my current residual eating issues. I knew that the eating issues were a part of a wrong-identity problem, but I never thought that messed up part of my life affected other parts of my life.
But, it does. Every day.
Anyway. This was my realization this week, and I want to challenge you to read the same devotion and take a little reflection time. Are you the same as me, constantly giving into busyness, performing and achieving, and not truly getting God’s rest? Where are you getting your identity from? Yours may not be page views or number of twitter followers, but everyone has something that can push them into searching of their identity in the wrong place.
Obviously, I’ve got a LONG way to go…I’m not just going to suddenly rest in God overnight. But, the first step is admitting you have a problem right? J
lindsay Cotter says
Oh friend you know I get this. That devo spoke to me too! YOu’re like 500000X more productive than i am (you know this! ) haha. ANd i always feel behind in everything so I can’t rest till it’s I feel accomplished. Yet my husband begs me to take a day off and spend time with him. My mind keeps going back to —-> BUT I”M LOSING MONEY! How shameful. That is mysin. Worrying about not providing enough for us or not being the “i got my Sh*T together blogger.” Cause I AM FAR FAR from that. I’m a type b+ personality surrounded by type A’s that I can never live up to. LOL! THanks for teh reminder that GOD cares about our spirit and relationship, not our busyness. Sin check –> DOING IT! Now.
Taylor Kiser says
YES to sin check! You know I think you are totally amazing! But I SO get the wanting to provide and such…but really having a husband that just wants to spend time with us!! Love you girl!
kaci cheeseman says
This definitely resonates with me… sometimes I do well to keep my pace and my self-imposed, unrealistic expectations under check. Other times, if I am not careful and very intentional, I’ll end up stressed out and unable to even find satisfaction with what I DO accomplish because all I can think about it what I didn’t accomplish. I never looked at it from the standpoint of being so much a sin as much as a stronghold, but they essentially go hand in hand.
One of the verses I come back to often is Isaiah 26:3 (AMP): “You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.”
Thank you for your transparency and just so you know, your photography is faaaaabulous!
Taylor Kiser says
YES! This is so me. It’s like I didn’t accomplish ENOUGH even when I do accomplish something. it’s crazy that we are never just happy with what we do isn’t it? I never thought it was a sin either but, you’re right, strongholds and sin do go hand in hand.
I LOVE that verse- and needed to hear that today! Thank you for the reminder!
And thank you for reading the blog and the kind words about my photography!! 😀
Michele says
This is so thought-provoking! Thank you for sharing! And I appreciate your honesty.
Taylor Kiser says
I am so glad it spoke to you <3
MICHAEL CHEVILLOT says
The world is still going to turn, whether you are watching it, running , or sleeping though it. When we get in the habit of being so devoted to our habits, we tend to lose sight of the more important things concerning life. Imagine an unexpected event happened that forced you out of your daily routine. If you broke your arm or ankle, you would be in the hospital all day, followed by nursing it back to health with Dr. appointments and physical therapy appointments. You would be forced to make adjustments in your life, and daily schedule to address them, Isn’t “God Time” as important? I do not mean that we should schedule God Time, but rather time to grow, learn from him, and be close. Never try to put God in a box, but rather get out of our boxes. I love your Sunday mailings. Happy Fall Everyone and God Bless!!!!
Taylor Kiser says
Thank you Michael!