Well, I figured it is time for an update.
It’s been almost a year since the last Sunday reflection and it’s time to bring them back.
I stopped them for 2 reasons:
- I was writing my book which is faith based and honestly took all my “faith writing” out of me since it is a lot of work.
- I was healing my relationship with food and I was trying to really focus on that and only do the “other things” that I really needed to do.
Today is the “Sunday reflections” that I’ve been hoping to write for nearly a decade.
I have written many times in these posts how I struggled with food so much. How I wanted freedom. How I wanted to truly live my live for God and not for what my body looks like or how many calories I did or didn’t eat.
And, you guys have been amazingly supportive.
John 8:36 says “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
Today, I can finally write the words: I am free.
I’ve spent the last year really working on my poor relationship with food. Which has looked like increasing the amount I eat by A LOT and quitting the weighing, measuring and tracking of foods and trusting that my body will figure it out.
Trusting that GOD designed my body to know what it needs and He doesn’t make mistakes. So, my body is not a mistake and it is not a mistake if it is hungry. I don’t need to feel scared or guilty or shameful about that.
It means I gave up working out for 9 WHOLE MONTHS. I used to never be able to miss ONE DAY or I felt like I would gain weight overnight.
I knew that the way that I was exercising was not God honoring and not taking care of God’s temple because of the obsessive nature that I was doing it. So, I knew if I wanted true freedom, I had to give it up.
So, I did.
Instead of my morning workouts, I used that time to spend time with God. To drink my coffee and do my devotional and think about how He needs to be first in my life, not my body or my fitness goals or the food I eat.
Has it been the hardest thing I’ve ever done? Yes.
But it’s also strengthened my relationship with God and with myself.
Sure, I gained weight. But, I needed to.
I got my period back. My body is now functioning, and lab work now shows a body that is healthy, not starving and shutting down.
I lost my abs. But I gained my life.
No longer am I crying out to God every single day begging Him to set me free, because He did.
It wasn’t in the timing I wanted – I wanted it to happen a LONG time ago – but it happened now and I trust that was His plan and His timing for a reason.
It happened right as I was about to write my book. And, I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
As of last month, I am back at the gym. Slowly, but surely. Moving my body in a way that feels good and is taking care of God’s temple instead of a way that is abusing it.
And I can finally tell you, I feel good.
I feel happy and healthy and whole.
I feel loved and closer to Christ.
Of course, some days are hard. Some days I don’t recognize this new body. Some days, I feel far from God. But, I think that is part of just being on this Earth, in a place that is not our final home.
But, most days?
I feel free.
sharon nelson says
Your article today really touched me I’m 70 years old and have been struggling with AIP God’s giving me what things I can have and what I can’t I do need to get back to that and listen to what he says I always feel better when I do so thank you for your article at touched my heart and made me cry
Taylor Kiser says
Thank you so much for reading Sharon <3 I'll be praying that you're able to go back and listen to what He says! <3
Sandie says
This really touched my heart thank you Taylor!
Taylor Kiser says
You’re so welcome! <3
Michael says
Wow, has it been a year? I really enjoyed the Sunday Reflections. I think you should keep it going, but make it simple. Just post a scripture to encourage, inspire, or just to put out there to share and let what come of it , be. You do not have to comment unless you feel the need, but it would be great because I am sure that you have a big following. Simple and satisfying!!!
Taylor Kiser says
Thanks! I do that a lot on Instagram! I appreciate the feedback!
Heidi says
So glad to see your Sunday reflections again, Taylor! God is so good and faithful, when we take the time to stop and listen to His instructions. I can’t wait to hear more about your book!!!! Keeping you and your newly refound freedom in prayer!
Taylor Kiser says
Thank you SO much Heidi!! This means the world to me!
Barbara says
That’s awesome, Taylor! Just goes to show, God’s timing is perfect, and if we keep praying and pressing forward, anything is possible. You’ve been on a long journey to get where you are, and I’m so happy to see you enjoying that sweet freedom. ❤️
Taylor Kiser says
Ahhh thank you so so much Barbara! You are SO right! All in HIS timing! <3